


Remember Me

by SherlockWolf



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, M/M, everyone is 18+
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-02 23:36:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 8,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17273288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SherlockWolf/pseuds/SherlockWolf
Summary: Lea's been waking up with strong feelings from dreams he can't remember. He's been struggling to readjust to emotions anyway, so he's not sure what to chalk it up to. But strange things keep happening, like compliments he's meant to pass on that he can't remember or the sudden ability to play Mancala. What's in those dreams that he just can't remember?





	1. Chapter 1

    “ _Remember me, though I have to say goodbye, remember me, don’t let it make you cry, for even if I’m far away I hold you in my heart, I sing a secret song to you each time we are apart, remember me…”_

    When the boy’s song came to an end the last chord from his guitar resounded in the room, allowing the sweet tune to linger in the hearts of his listeners just a bit longer. When the moment lifted Miguel looked up at his audience expectantly, a smile growing on his face.

    “Did you like it?”

    “It’s so sweet, I love it.” Kairi gave the boy two thumbs up and a smile.

    She was tearing up a little, the song reminding her of Riku and Sora who were worlds away on a mission of their own.

    “Beautiful.” Beside her, Lea agreed, his arms crossed over his chest and a soft smile on his lips.

    He, too, was choked up. The song reminded him of Roxas.

    “It was great to meet you, Miguel. I’m sorry we have to go so soon.” Kairi said as the kid set his guitar to the side and hopped off the wooden stool.

    “I’ll never forget our adventure! Mamá won’t believe me when I tell her.”

    “At least Dante will remember, isn’t that right?” Kairi cooed at the scraggly dog, who bounced over to her and placed sloppy kisses on her bared shins.

    Kairi giggled and petted Dante’s head. Lea reached down to give the pup one last pat.

    “Take care.” Lea said with a wave to Miguel, then lead the way out of the house and toward the back alley where they’d left their gummy ship.

    He and Kairi didn’t talk for a while, each lost in their own thoughts and tasks. Kairi steered since Lea hadn’t been taught how to fly yet and didn’t have any interest in learning. Besides, he got to man the guns which was a fun way to let out the _emotions_.

    He was still adjusting to having those again and it was frustrating—another emotion. He felt _so much_. Having been a Nobody for just about a decade had made it so that as a reformed person, most of the time he felt nothing reminiscent of the emptiness he’d become used to. But then, whenever something triggered an emotion it would simmer inside his heart, build up past the boiling point, and then explode outward like fireworks on steroids.

    He felt broken, and often wondered if he’d ever be set right so he’d experience emotions like a normal person.

    Right now, for example, he was shooting down Heartless gummies with blurry eyes and too-quick breaths. Hot tears trickled down his cheeks, mocking the skin where false purple tears had once been permanent. Lea had often wondered if his Nobody’s tattoos had represented the heartbreak he would suffer through for the rest of his life to make up for all that he couldn’t feel at the time.

    When they returned to Yen Sid’s tower his tears had dried and though he was sure Kairi could tell from his red-rimmed eyes, at least he was presentable. Kairi offered to mission-report to Yen Sid and so Lea took that escape at face-value and locked himself in his room.

    Their adventure with Miguel hadn’t been as physically demanding as others, yet Lea felt completely drained—beyond the Nobody normal of empty and tired. He changed into the black cotton pajamas the fairies had given him and tucked himself in bed, lying on his side with his legs somewhat pulled up because he was too tall for his own good.

    Only then did he let himself think of Roxas and Miguel’s song. He cried himself to sleep and wished he had his best friend with him.


	2. Chapter 2

    This was the night when _the dreams_ began.

    He often dreamed of the clock tower, of sitting there by himself with sea salt ice cream and watching the sunset as he had for years before Roxas showed up. He often dreamed of the missions with Kairi, of fighting Heartless beside Sora, of banishing Nightmares with Riku. Sometimes he even dreamed of Isa, a scar marring his face and yellow eyes emulating those of a demon, of running through an endless garden after bouncing blue hair, of jumping on water fountains that would launch them both into the sky.

    The dream he had that night was different. As he sat there on the clock tower watching three familiar kids play some kind of game involving hover boards and marbles only a sleeping mind could invent, he felt the weight of someone else’s hand rest on his shoulder. That had never happened before. And funny enough it felt _real_ , heavy and warm. In fact, he realized he could feel the warmth of the afternoon sun and the concrete building was hard beneath him. That was also new.

    Then a black-coated figure sat next to him, hood pulled up over their face so all Lea could see was their mouth and the tip of their nose. The hand slid away.

    “How are you?” The voice that spoke was quiet, but Lea would know it anywhere.

    “Roxas?” His voice cracked with the tsunami of sadness he couldn’t escape, even in his sleep.

    The person’s lips curved up in a smile.

    “Do you have another ice cream?”

    Lea reached into a pocket and produced a second bar, because this was a dream and munny wasn’t relevant. He handed it to Roxas who turned the thing around in his hand for a moment before tasting it. Lea couldn’t look away, so he ate his own ice cream while watching as Roxas devoured his as though he hadn’t eaten in years.

    When they finished Roxas held up his stick, the flat side turned so Lea could read it. _Winner_.

    “You didn’t answer my question.” Roxas said.

    Lea wished he could see his face.

    “Remind me.”

    “How are you?”

    “Do you want me to lie and say I’m fine?”

    “No. I want the truth.”

    The sky darkened with rainclouds as it never would have in the real Twilight Town.

    “I miss you. So much it hurts.”

    “I miss you too.”

    The clouds broke, warm rain that didn’t soak clothes or skin falling around them. The sky became darker and darker, the sound of the rain like blood rushing through his head. Roxas’ hand found his and held tight, his cloaked form melding with the black scenery until the only way Lea knew he was still there was the tingling weight in his hand.

    _“I’m coming back.”_

    Roxas words echoed, quiet as though worlds away. A bolt of lightning crashed through the night.

    Lea woke with a start, heart racing and hands sweaty. He wondered what he’d been dreaming about that had scared him so much, but his mind came up blank.


	3. Chapter 3

    Lea emerged from his room some time later, having showered and chased away the shaky feeling from waking up afraid. He and Kairi had a new mission today, one that Riku and Sora were going on, too. Everyone—including Mickey, Donald, and Goofy—was seated at the dining table, enjoying a magic-made pancake breakfast when Lea joined them. He took his usual seat between Kairi and Sora, the latter of whom looked like he’d been forcibly dragged from his bed to the breakfast table. A pile of pancakes appeared before him, properly buttered and syruped so he didn’t have to do more than lift his fork to start eating.

    A finger poking at his arm drew Lea’s attention from stuffing his mouth to Sora.

    “Whmph?”He asked.

    “You excited?” Sora asked, grinning like a kid who’d been given his favourite candy.

    Though, that was generally what Sora’s good moods reminded Lea of. He swallowed his mouthful and shrugged.

    “Haven’t exactly been a mermaid before, but I can’t say I’m thrilled about the lack of fire.”

    Sora’s grin somehow widened. “It’ll be great practice for you.”

    Lea couldn’t argue with that. Sometimes relying too heavily on his flames had gotten himself and Kairi into sticky situations.

    “Are you excited, Kai?” Sora asked Kairi, who set down her glass of apple juice and gave Sora and Lea a gleeful smirk.

    “I’m going to collect so many shells, you’re not even ready.”

    Of course Kairi had also lost her mind with excitement when Sora told her about the Pride Lands, but Yen Sid had yet to send her and Lea there. The idea of getting to swim around with a giant fish tale weirded out Lea, while being a lion sounded like way more fun.

    After breakfast they all piled into Sora’s gummy ship—which was actually Donald’s, but he and Goofy were going to stay behind and work with the King and Yen Sid on plans. This would be one of the rare occasions when Sora, Riku, Kairi, and Lea were going to be without wizard-approved supervision—because Lea’s age advantage didn’t count. And for good reason. Sure, Riku was a bona fide Keyblade Master, but he was still a teenager—albeit an adult teenager. Being the only adult-adult around those three was like herding cats, and after having tried once, Lea chose to let the cats herd themselves.

    When they exited the gummy ship—which Sora had decided to park behind a _cloud_ of all things—and fell into the ocean below, the effect was instant. Lea felt a brief tightening in his legs then looked down to find himself with a red, black-striped fish tail. A few fins poked out on both sides for navigation, and the ruffled tail fluke fanned out for thrust. Overall, Lea thought it looked pretty cool. Less weird than he was expecting, too.

    When he looked around at his companions, he found that Sora was sporting a rather standard blue dolphin tail, Riku a golden tiger shark, and Kairi’s was unique. She had tendrils flowing out from skirts of a translucent pink mauve stinger, almost like a gown. It was elegant, yet could pack a punch. Perfect.

    Kairi did a little twirl, her hair floating around her face. “This is so cool!”

    Sora began to show her how to do all kinds of cool swimming tricks, while Riku and Lea devised a plan to complete their mission. They were here to seek out a DTD while simultaneously lying low. Apparently the local king wasn’t ever thrilled to have visitors.

    Of course, that part of the plan fell through because soon enough Sora had found Ariel, his friend and the king’s daughter, who joined them in their search. And it wasn’t long after that that King Triton himself cornered them in a palace hallway and threatened to kick them out permanently if they caused any trouble.

    By the time night fell they’d had no success, so Ariel invited them to stay in the palace guestrooms. They ended up in a suite which consisted of four giant clamshell beds, two on each side of the room, and a vanity in the center. Lea and Kairi spent some time in front of the vanity braiding sea shells into each other’s’ hair while Sora and Riku lounged on a clamshell together, playing some kind of game that involved pushing pearls around a board with dips in order to collect more pearls than the other person.

    When she finished, Kairi threatened Lea not to mess up the shells in his sleep as they laid down on their own clamshells for the night. Sora and Riku had fallen asleep together sometime after their third game, so Kairi took the bed next to them while Lea took one on the opposite side. The water was warm creating no need for blankets, but it felt weird to Lea to not have the comforting weight over his body. He distracted himself with thoughts of all the strange and colorful fish he’d seen during the day, and let the currents eventually drift him to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

    He was swimming alongside a dolphin, playing tag around the grotto in front of the palace. Warm water graced his skin, lifted his hair like a red cloud around his face. It was the dolphin’s turn to tag, so Lea was rushing around in circles, dodging away from the animal’s snout. He could feel her getting close, and was about to dive down when a hand wrapped around his tail and pulled him to a jolting stop.

    Lea whirled to find himself face to face with Roxas, shirtless and sporting a tail like Sora’s. The dolphin was nowhere to be seen.

    It was then that Lea remembered his dream from the night before, of sitting on the clock tower with _Roxas_. He hadn’t dreamed of Roxas since becoming a Somebody again, until that night. And now, Roxas was in his dream again. But he realized that this dream, just like the last, didn’t feel like a dream. It felt real, as if he were actually swimming and Roxas was actually floating in front of him, a happy, lazy smile on his face.

    “I like the shells.” Roxas said, blue eyes fixed on Lea’s hair as he reached up and touched one.

    “Kairi put them there.”

    “Tell her I said thanks.” Roxas’ eyes met Lea’s.

    They were wide, barely blinking, as though Roxas were seeing him for the first time in ages and refused to let the image wash away. Lea felt the same. He caught Roxas’ hand and pulled it away before he messed up Kairi’s hard work and she ended up finding a way to make good on her threats in her sleep. Their hands remained linked between them. Warm, solid, _real._

Lea really shouldn’t let himself hope like this, especially because he knew this was a dream.

    “How are you?” Lea asked, the weight of the question combatting the weightlessness of the water.

    “Miserable. But seeing you…better.” Roxas squeezed Lea’s hand.

    “We’re mermaids, does that help, too?”

    Roxas made an exaggerated glance over at Lea’s chest, then his voice gained a teasing lilt. “Yeah, that helps.”

    Lea laughed, then tugged on Roxas’ hand. “Want to play tag?”

    Roxas shook his head. “I’ve been chasing you long enough. Let’s play that pearl game instead.”

    They swam, hand in hand, to the guestroom in the palace which was empty except for one clamshell bed and the pearl game. Lea realized he had no idea how to play, but Roxas set up the game and took the first turn as though he were an expert.

    “When did you learn to play?” Lea asked as Roxas guided him through his first turn, their sides pressed against one another and Roxas’ head resting on Lea’s shoulder.

    “Oh. Sora’s memories leak into mine, so while he and Riku were playing I absorbed the rules. Plus I—Sora—won all three games.” Roxas added with a gleeful chuckle.

    It took the younger man a moment to realize that Lea’s hand had frozen mid-pearl placement. He looked up, smile tumbling away as he took in Lea’s shocked expression.

    “What?”

    “You’re…” Had he guessed right?

    “Gonna win this game if you don’t stop gaping like a fish?” Roxas had always been competitive.

    _Real_.

    Lea felt the tide rising in his heart—hope. But it couldn’t be. This was a dream, Roxas couldn’t be here, he was a fabrication of Lea’s wishes. Yet Roxas _knew_ how to play this game, as if he’d been in the room with the four of them to learn it. And Lea himself felt so real, so clear and unfuzzy as though he were actually sitting on the pillowy surface of a clamshell bed, fingers bushing Roxas’, watching strung-gold hair floating in the currents instead of dreaming it all.

    It had to be real. It just had to.

    “Axel, seriously. You’re gonna wake up if you freak out.” Roxas voice suddenly was urgent, stressed.

    As if he didn’t want Lea to go. As if he knew this was real, but a dream all the same.

    “We’ll talk about it next time, okay?” Roxas pleaded, both hands grabbing one of Lea’s with desperation.

    Lea swallowed hard and nodded. He could only keep the fireworks down for so long, but Roxas was _here_ and he didn’t want to chase after him anymore, either.

    He finished placing his pearl, wondering how he was still breathing when his throat felt so constricted. Roxas left one hand on Lea’s while he took his second turn, their fingers twined, holding tight. Roxas’ thumb traced endless circles on Lea’s skin, giving him something to focus on to keep him out of his head.

    They didn’t talk while they played, Lea physically incapable while Roxas seemed to know that the sound of his voice would set off the explosion.

    Roxas did win, flashing Lea a victorious smile shadowed with the urgency he had retained during the game. Lea’s tears hadn’t dried and he’d barely kept his breathing under control. But he’d managed not to wake up and Roxas was still there, pushing the game aside and pulling Lea into a hug that felt so, _so_ real.

    It was then that Lea let himself break, knowing he would wake but not being able to hold back the _hope_ any longer. Roxas was _alive_ within Sora and that meant he could be saved.

    “I’m sorry.” Lea choked out.

    He felt Roxas shake his head. “It’s okay.”

    Then Roxas’ warmth was ripped away like a band-aid, sending Lea into an underwater tornado that roared with the sound of an unintelligible voice.


	5. Chapter 5

    He woke up to find Sora shaking his shoulder. It was light out and the young man’s face was drawn in concern. Lea sat up, slightly wobbly because sitting up with a tail instead of legs was weird, then rubbed his hands over his face. Could a face could feel wet under water? Had he been crying?

    “Ah, hey.” Sora smiled when Lea’s eyes found his, but the smile was tense, “You were having a nightmare, I think.”

    “Sorry I woke you.” Lea told him, feeling funny about the statement as though he had another thing to be sorry for.

    “It’s okay, it’s only ten minutes early. Watch this.” Sora whispered conspiratorially, then swam over to Riku, who was still asleep.

    Lea watched with growing amusement and concern on Sora’s behalf as the brunette began swimming in twists above Riku’s head, swirling his silver hair like ropes and creating a vortex that began to push him off the bed. It took nearly thirty seconds—yes, Lea counted—for Riku to wake up, then with a growl he began to chase Sora around the room.

    Kairi floated over to Axel from where she’d been watching by the vanity.

    “You kept your hair nice.” She commented, adjusting a few of the shells.

    “Thanks. You got a compliment for it, by the way.”

    “Already? From who?”

    Lea realized that he didn’t know. Just the voiceless words, ‘ _tell her I said thanks_ ’, floated in his mind. He shrugged and said, “Never mind.”

    Kairi huffed in that way that meant she wasn’t going to press even though she wanted to, then gave Sora and Riku a dirty look as though they were both scorning her by not donning their own shells. “If only they’d let me do theirs, too.”

    “Maybe one day we should trap them and put flowers in their hair. They could use a little femininity.” Lea suggested, remembering conversations he and Kairi had had before—Sora didn’t need much more than a push in the right direction, but Riku…they’d definitely have to tie him down.

    “That’s what I’m saying!”

    They shared a laugh, especially when Riku caught Sora and a tickle fight began. It only stopped when Sebastian, Ariel, and Flounder entered the room, since Sora and Riku wanted to keep up professional appearances around the friends not trapped with them twenty-four hours a day.

    It took the group half the day to finally find the door to darkness within Atlantica. When they did it was by mere happen-stance, since Kairi and Sora were playing hide-and-go-seek with Ariel and Flounder and had stumbled upon a coral outcropping that suddenly flared into a dark-purple doorway.

    Sora filled out the journal that Mickey had trusted him with while the others memorized the location of the door and checked it for any signs of activity, reporting any details to Sora. Lea often considered them to be a scientific team, recording data as if they were going to study the doors rather than use them for war strategies.

    When they finished they bid goodbye to their underwater friends, and Lea did manage to sneak a shell into both Sora and Riku’s hair before they returned to the ship. It wasn’t until they were well on their way home, the weight of their shells giving Kairi and Lea headaches, that the two noticed their own decorations. Funny enough neither of them got mad, instead sneaking curious glances at Kairi, probably trying to remember when she’d been close enough to either of them to pull such a trick and never once suspecting Lea.

    Sora drove, Kairi manned the guns, so Riku and Lea awkwardly lounged around in the bunk room. Riku had been smart enough to bring a book, so Lea just decided to lie on one of the top bunks and take a nap. This resulted in him being far more tired than necessary when they finally touched down at Yen Sid’s, so Lea took off to his room while the others checked in.

    He forced himself through his nighttime routine before crawling into bed and passing out.


	6. Chapter 6

    Isa was hardly fifteen feet in front of him, but Lea just couldn’t catch up. Isa raced passed Merlin’s house into the fountain yard where Lea would surely lose him. He jumped over the last few feet of the stairs’ wall, trying to gain a few feet and get to the first fountain before Isa. No such luck. Isa was up on the second level before Lea could even feel the spray of water.

    And so he lost him.

    Lea regained his balance on the second level, grumbling about not being able to beat anyone at anything, when he noticed movement in the corner of his eye. He whirled to find—wait, who was that? He knew this kid, that was certain, but what was blondie’s name? He couldn’t remember. Did it start with a V or an R?

    “You’re so much shorter as a teenager.” The blonde kid said, arms crossed over his white checkered jacket.

    “Who are you?” Lea asked like a challenge, hands on his hips as he glowered at the other teen.

    How dare he call him short! Lea was going to be tall one day, then he’d show this kid _and_ Isa what he was made of.

    “Uh, Roxas? Do I look like someone else?” Blondie—Roxas, so it _was_ an R—raised an eyebrow.

    “Yeah. Ven…Hmm. Can’t remember the rest. How do I know you?”

    Now it was Roxas’ turn to glare. “Do you just forget who you are when you’re asleep?”

    “I’m…sleeping? Maybe that’s why I couldn’t beat him.” Lea looked up to the third level, disappointment souring his mood further when he couldn’t see Isa’s obnoxiously blue hair.

    “Beat who, Axel?”

    It was like the name flipped a switch in his mind. “Oh, shit…. Hey, Rox.”

    He fluffed his shorter hair, giving Roxas an apologetic smile. Roxas rolled his eyes. “Were you fighting someone?”

    Lea shrugged. “Isa and I were racing. It was something we used to do.”

    “Who’s Isa?” Roxas stepped into Lea’s personal bubble, adjusting the yellow scarf around his neck which had fallen a bit loose.

    “Saïx. We grew up together, on this world.”

    Roxas sucked in a breath, as though that were the last thing he’d expected to hear. His hands twisted in the silky fabric and squinted at Lea with a jealous glint.

    “That explains some things.”

    Lea let the comment go, not wanting to drag up topics that might make Roxas leave. They may not have seen each other in a long, _long_ time, but that didn’t mean Roxas had lost any of his temper. This was one time Lea wasn’t going to play with fire.

    “You said you would explain what’s happening.” Lea said to change the subject.

    “Yeah. But I don’t want to do it here, getting wet.” Roxas’ aggravated tone was begging to be made fun of, just a little.

    “Last time we were literally under water.”

    Roxas let go of Lea’s scarf and jumped off the side of the waterfall in response. Lea laughed and followed him, leading the way out of the fountains and back to town. He made one last glance over his shoulder to see if Isa were there, but he saw no one. The background color of the waterfalls had become a sickening yellow, flickering like eyes he hated.

    A subtle reminder that as real as this felt, it was still a dream.

    As they walked, two ice creams appeared in Roxas’ hands. He passed one to Lea, at first his hand going up then correcting its course as Roxas remembered that Lea was the same height as him at the moment. Lea grinned and Roxas rolled his eyes.

    When they reached the park Lea took Roxas to the place he and Isa had claimed as their hide-out, an open patch of grass sheltered by a half-wall, trees, and bushes, so that passers-by couldn’t see in and the boys couldn’t see out.

    They sat with their backs to the wall, Lea with his legs stretched out in front of him and Roxas with his knees tucked to his chest. Their non-ice cream occupied hands joined, lying on Lea’s thigh since there wasn’t a millimeter of space between them.

    “So, I think what’s happening,” Roxas began, his focus on a ladybug that had landed on his knee, “is that whenever you’re around Sora and you’re both asleep, your hearts are more…at each other’s level, sorta. I can switch over to yours, but when you or Sora wake up I have to go back to him. It’s taken me a lot of practice to be able to actually be _here_ , and it doesn’t help that you two aren’t together much _and_ you forget _every single time_ you wake up.”

    It made enough sense, as far as heart-magic was concerned—in that it made no sense to Lea at all, so he just rolled with it.

    “Wait, this isn’t the third dream of mine you’ve been in?”

    Roxas shook his head. “Well, no. More like…thirty. This is just the third dream I’ve had a _presence_ in.”

    “Thirty.” Lea repeated, stunned at the number.

    Roxas had been with him, sporadically, for thirty nights. Thirty nights where Lea hadn’t truly been alone. It was so many, yet so few considering it’d been nearly two years since Roxas had gone back to Sora. Lea wished Roxas had figured out how to be present, as he’d called it, a hell of a lot sooner. Even so, it was elating that he could be here now.

    Roxas shrugged. “It was worth it, if you’re wondering.”

    Lea gave Roxas’ hand a squeeze. “I sure think so. So how do you know I forget the dreams when I’m awake?”

    “Like I said, I get Sora’s memories. Sort of like I’m watching his life on a computer screen. You act…normal when you’re awake, so I assume you don’t remember.”

    “I wish I could.” Really, if he could remember these conversations during the day it’d make him so incredibly happy and hopeful—Roxas could be saved, but when he was awake he didn’t know that, so what hope could there be?

    “Yeah, but you’d act like a sad sap and it’s more fun to watch you be a goofball.” Roxas’ teasing grin was enough to put a smile back on Lea’s own face.

    “I’m a sad sap anyway.” He chuckled self-deprecatingly.

    As though to make his point, Roxas shook his hand free and punched Lea’s leg. “Shape up.”

    They finished their ice creams while Lea told Roxas about his first life. He described what it was like to go to school, to be friends with Isa, to be a general trouble maker who wanted to be instant friends with most anybody and had an insatiable curiosity. All the while, Roxas watched him with some kind of wonder.

    When he finished, they sat in silence for a few moments, before Roxas sighed and leaned his head on Lea’s shoulder. He then admitted that hearing about Lea’s life before they met rounded out and completed him as a person. Roxas felt now that he got why Axel had been so hurt and angry that Roxas had abandoned him—because he’d lost Isa, too. Roxas wasn’t about to regret his actions—in a way, he’d saved both their lives—but at least he finally understood the other’s side.

    Lea couldn’t resist bringing Roxas into a hug after that. He’d been worried that their last fight as Nobodies was going to create a rift between them the next time they were truly together—DiZ’s simulation didn’t count. But Roxas had proven him wrong, as he always had.

    Finally, long after their blank popsicle sticks had been discarded beside them for the ants, Lea told Roxas the story of how he’d become a Nobody. It was a painful story because it had been _his own_ _fault_ , but Roxas needed to know.

    Revisiting the end of his life, while in the world where it had happened, gazing up at the castle he’d trapped himself and Isa within…It hurt. Lea finally felt the despair he’d been stripped of for so many years. Roxas held him through it, quiet and comforting. The solid arms wrapped around him were so warm and safe that Lea really couldn’t resist falling asleep.

    The press of lips to the crown of his head lingered as Lea sat up, wiping gooey tears from his eyes once again so he could properly see the details of his room. Why was he waking up crying so often? He couldn’t remember his dream from this night, either, but could recall the sensation of warmth. But what kind of good dream would make him cry?

    Irritated, Lea rolled out of bed and began to ready himself for another day of training with Kairi.


	7. Chapter 7

    Lea took his time climbing the hill overlooking Twilight Town. He hadn’t returned there since Roxas left. The place looked no different in his dreams than when he’d last seen it, making him wonder if it had changed in reality. Maybe when Roxas came back they could go together to find out.

    Speaking of, this time Roxas was waiting for him on a bench at the top. Sora had gone to bed at least an hour earlier than Lea tonight, since he and Riku were headed out early the next morning. Lea didn’t bother to announce himself, instead taking a seat beside Roxas with one leg set on the bench and the other stretching out in front. Roxas turned to him and smiled as he looked Lea over.

    “Is that what you’re wearing these days?” He asked, tugging at the black leather vest that hung over Lea’s orange t-shirt.

    Then he pulled off Lea’s old scarf, which Lea had recovered from his parents’ house in Radiant Garden, and wrapped it around his own neck.

    “Hey, at least I’m not wearing _khakis_.” Lea teased, nudging Roxas with his shoulder and rolling his eyes.

    “Yeah, not _now._ You forgot I saw your horrible teenage fashion sense already?”

    Lea laughed and shook his head. He couldn’t defend himself from that one.

    Roxas observed him again then shrugged and cast his gaze elsewhere. “It looks g— _you_ …look good.”

    Before Lea could respond—not that anything was coming to mind because his thoughts had short-circuited—Roxas changed the subject.

    “You seemed off during training. Everything okay?”

    Ugh, really? Did Lea have to go from being lectured by Kairi in real life to being lectured by Roxas in dreams? So he’d been distracted today, but how could anyone blame him when he couldn’t remember the most important events of the last week? Now that he knew what had been bothering him, Lea wished he could write himself a note to relive some of the stress. He hated forgetting and he hated knowing he’d forgotten something, especially when it was about people he loved.

    “Nothing’s okay, Rox. I don’t…I _hate_ that I haven’t figured out how to save you. I hate that I forget you’re here when I’m asleep. You’re my best friend and I just…I’m so _useless_.”

    Roxas huffed and turned to face Lea, throwing one leg over the bench so he could straddle it. Then he grabbed Lea by the shoulders and forced him to face him. Lea had to fold his leg against himself to avoid falling over.

    “Axel you’re not useless! You’re just worried. That’s okay, ‘cause I am too—and not about what you think,” Roxas raised a finger, daring Lea to speak his mind, “I’m worried about _you_.”

    That was not what Lea had thought. He had thought Roxas was worried that Lea would let him down, would fail to save him, that he’d be trapped in Sora’s heart forever. Perhaps a part of him _was_ worried about that stuff. But for Roxas to be worried about Lea…that hadn’t crossed his mind.

    “Why?”

    “ _Why_? Because you forget I’m here when you’re awake and I don’t want you to feel alone. People— _you_ do dumb things when you’re lonely.”

    Once again, Roxas had him cornered and speechless. All he could come up with, after a few moments of staring and wishing they lived in a different reality, was to pull Roxas into a tight hug and hide his face against the younger man’s shoulder.

    “I miss you so much, Roxas.”

    Roxas sighed, pressing his forehead to Lea’s collar bone and wrapping his arms around Lea’s waist.

    “We need to figure out how to leave you a message.”

    Lea couldn’t agree more. “Sometimes things you’ve said or done will stick with me. Like, I told Kairi you appreciated her shells, and I could still feel your warmth from last night when I woke up.”

    Roxas stiffened a bit, but the motion was over so quickly that Lea didn’t have time to consider if it meant anything.

    “That’s good. That means you’re not truly forgetting, you just have some kind of block between consciousness and dreams.”

    “Basically we need to do something I won’t forget.”

    “Yeah. Let’s see…I can kick your ass in sparring.”

    Lea laughed and shook his head, leaning away from Roxas so he could see his smirk. “Nah, that won’t work ‘cause I’d have to let you win.”

    “Yeah right!” Roxas pushed at Lea’s shoulder, “I’ve beat you before.”

    “You cheated! Two keyblades isn’t fair.” Lea teased, pushing back.

    “You have two weapons, why can’t I?” Roxas shot back.

    He stood and offered a hand to Lea, then the two stood more toward the center of the hilltop park and squared off. Roxas drew both keyblades, but Lea didn’t protest. He could still win as long as he focused.

    Naturally that plan went to shit almost immediately. Roxas was playing at some other game, trying to distract Lea and succeeding marvelously. Lea’s disadvantage was this was a dream world in which Roxas had been thriving for nearly two years and had learned how to manipulate. Thus the magic being thrown at him was anything but the standard fire, lightning, and ice. Instead he had to dodge ice creams the size of buildings and buildings the size of ice creams, pink elephants that burst like bubble gum, and a severe lack of gravity.

    Lea gave up even trying to throw his chakrams after the third time an elephant sent him spiraling into a back flip. As his body righted, the golden scenery of Twilight Town disappeared into the purple-black of darkness. For a moment all he could see was the bubble gum elephants, then they faded and he felt warmth surround him once again as Roxas’ face appeared a few inches from his.

    They floated in the dark with bodies invisible, yet feeling one another’s warmth as intimately as though their skin were brushing. Lea felt shy, suddenly, as though he had been stripped bare of everything which he used to hide his vulnerabilities—the clothes, the hair, the attitude. Nothing existed in this space now except two souls bound by a force they had yet to put words to.

    “What are you doing?” Lea whispered.

    “Trying to make you remember me.” Roxas whispered back, a sly smile on his lips.

    “I could never forget you.”

    The promise hung between them for a moment, as strong and heavy as red rope.

    Roxas leaned in closer than he ever had before, his blue eyes filling Lea’s vision and the feeling of skin-to-skin becoming a vivid reality.

    “Prove it.”

    Then Roxas disappeared, and Lea was left alone in the dark.


	8. Chapter 8

    Everything was so disorienting—he felt like he’d been on a merry-go-round for over an hour. Lea’s brain felt foggy and dizzy, so he didn’t dare move or open his eyes. He could feel his pillow under his head, his blankets pulled up over his shoulders, and the socks he’d forgotten to take off his feet the night before. But he could also feel the distinct warmth of…no. It couldn’t be. None of that could be real, how…?

    He’d been dreaming of Roxas every night for the past week. Ever since Sora had come back from that mission in the Bayou. Roxas had said…Sora’s heart, when asleep, connected itself to Lea’s. It created some kind of channel or something that allowed him to…that allowed…

    Lea had been talking to _Roxas_. Roxas, who was alive and well and _conscious_. Roxas, who had broken the wall of Lea’s memory and dreams by…by…

    Had he—had _they_ —actually…no?

    His head was too much of a mess to make sense of anything. Pink elephants swirled with the images of Twilight Town and Roxas’ smile. Why had Roxas chosen _pink_ elephants? They were unforgettable, he’d give him that. But so was…

    Lea’s heart was pounding in his chest. Sora was leaving for that mission with Riku, and in fact was probably already awake since Lea and Roxas had been so rudely cut off from whatever it was they were about to do. That meant Lea wasn’t going to see Roxas again for at least a week, assuming the mission went according to plan.

    A week without being able to tell Roxas that his warped idea of sparring had worked.

    To avoid giving himself away and torturing Roxas as he himself was going to be tortured, Lea pulled his blanket over his head and tried very hard to fall asleep again.


	9. Chapter 9

    After four days—eons, in Lea’s book—passed, Sora returned. Lea tried his best not to seem over-eager to see him, keeping his greeting to a cheerful high-five mixed with that weird handshake Hiro had taught Sora, which had then been taught to everyone Sora had ever known and continued to meet.

    It was painful acting through dinner, because Lea had decided against tipping Roxas off. He hadn’t even spoken to Kairi about the dreams, though she’d been notably happier with his training performance, for fear that she would say something to Sora.

    But finally, _finally_ it was time for sleep. Lea curled up a few minutes earlier than Sora, who had gone outside to stargaze with Riku and Kairi. It took him some time to actually fall asleep since the excitement of seeing Roxas was eating at him, but eventually he slipped under.


	10. Chapter 10

    “Lea? Lea, where are you?”

    “Lea?!”

    “Lea if you don’t show your face right now, we’re gonna ditch you!”

    Lea giggled to himself and tightened the ball he’d curled himself up into in order to fit under the bush. His friends would never find him here. Besides, their threats were empty. Even if Isa said they’d leave, he’d be back in five minutes. They were just like that, the two of them—inseparable.

    The voices quieted down after another minute, probably headed down the nearest path which lead away from Lea’s hiding spot.

    Then the bush rustled, and another person shoved their way in beside him. Alarmed, Lea sprang into a couch and prepared himself to run. But he froze at the sight of blonde hair and blue eyes.

    “Jeeze, how old are you _now_?” The other kid asked rather rudely.

    “Uh, fourteen?” Lea snapped back, not willing to take any flack from a stranger.

    “Nuh-uh. We’re going somewhere else.” The kid said.

    Then the world turned black, and Lea forgot who he was.

    He blinked his eyes at the harsh afternoon sun, and he had to place an arm over his eyes to prevent himself from going temporarily blind. Clothing rustled somewhere to his left.

    “Nice to see you, too, Rox.” He grumbled as his eyes continued to create little flashes behind their lids.

    “Sorry. I just don’t want to hang out with a kid-version of you tonight. Too much important stuff to talk about.” Roxas voice floated from above him.

    “Important like the trip with Sora and Riku?”

    Roxas didn’t answer. Lea dared to move his arm from one eye so he could see if Roxas was still there. Thankfully he wasn’t blinded a second time. He found he was on the clock tower, sprawled on the pathway with his legs crossed up on the ledge Roxas sitting on. They were both in their street clothes, the only difference in a scene Axel had long ago committed to memory.

    “You okay?”

    Roxas shrugged, then looked down over his shoulder at Lea, eyes skirting over him before landing on Lea’s own.

    “Did it work?” He asked sullenly, as though he knew what to expect and it wasn’t what he wanted.

    Lea couldn’t help but smile, though Roxas’ lack of an answer worried him.

    “Well…yeah. _It_ did. Whatever _it_ was.”

    Roxas’ smile didn’t reach his eyes. “Good.”

    Lea sat up then, and readjusted so his legs were folded under him. He didn’t feel like sitting on the ledge and instead remained lower than Roxas—well, as best he could given that even in this position their heights were nearly equal.

    “Seriously, Rox. What’s up? I thought you’d be more excited.”

    Roxas didn’t answer for a moment as he scrutinized Lea’s face. Then he sighed and returned his gaze to the town.

    “You don’t remember how I— _we_ —did it. That’s good, though, because you’d probably be mad at me for it anyway.”

    “Don’t be ridiculous, I want to know your secret to unlocking brains. I bet it’s great.”

    “No, it isn’t.”

    In a moment of bravery that surely had his sleeping heart racing, Lea lifted a hand and brushed it against Roxas’ face, tucking some lose strands of golden hair out of the way. Roxas’ attention snapped to Lea and he visibly shuddered, the slightest dusting of pink coloring his cheeks.

    Lea tried for a more genuine route rather than the teasing one. “I remember everything, I’m just not sure which part worked.”

    “Axel…I…” Roxas huffed, then took away Lea’s hand from where it had come to rest on his shoulder.

    But he didn’t let go, instead pulling the hand to his lap and playing with Lea’s fingers while staring down at them. It was something Roxas had never done before but Lea had witnessed Sora do with Riku numerous times—a nervous tick, seeking comfort in contact from the one person who could provide it. Lea lifted his other hand and placed it on top of Roxas’.

    “Do you want me to guess?” Lea offered, voice gentle and inviting.

    Roxas nodded but refused to look up.

    “You were going to kiss me.”

    Roxas swallowed, then nodded again, eyes wide and ready for rejection.

    Confirmation was more exciting than Lea had predicted. So he _hadn’t_ imagined the sensation those four nights ago. It had been real—it meant Roxas felt the same as he did. Roxas wanted him, cared about him…maybe even loved him, though Lea wouldn’t count all his eggs just yet.

    Roxas’ hands had stilled, so Lea gave them a squeeze.

    “Do you want to pick up where we left off?” He asked, unable to keep the smile at bay.

    “You’re not…you want…me?” The final word came out so quietly, Lea was amazed.

    He had never known Roxas to be quiet.

    “Always, Roxas. Got it memorized?” Lea smirked at the use of his old catch phrase.

    It brought out the desired snort of laughter, and an unexpected sigh of fondness.

    “You’re such a dork.” Roxas shook his head in mock disapproval.

    “Oh? Is that so?” Lea stole his hands back and ruffled Roxas’ hair until it was a complete mess.

    “Hey! What was that for?” Roxas whined, reaching up to reorganize his hair even though he could have easily used dream-infused magic to fix it.

    “Now who’s the dork?”

    They shared breathless laughs, then Roxas got a serious look on his face as he continued to look at Lea. Then he leaned forward and placed a hand on either of Lea’s shoulders for balance. His fingers twisted in the material of Lea’s vest. Catching on, Lea set his own hands on Roxas’ hips, leaning forward as well. His stomach twirled with butterflies and his blood hummed with unsung joy. This moment had been far too long a wait.

    “Kiss me like you miss me, Red.” Roxas whispered when they were millimeters apart, his words brushing against Lea’s lips.

    Lea took that challenge with exuberance.

    He half expected to wake up to find himself macking on his own pillow. Instead, his eyes drifted closed and the feeling of Roxas remained. One hand moved to Lea’s hair, where it gently tugged as the kiss became more passionate. The other used his vest to pull him closer. Not that Lea was about to protest. Kissing Roxas felt like heaven.

    They paused to breathe, and Lea couldn’t help the giggles that escaped as he took in Roxas’ blown-wide pupils and light blush. He was just so…adorably sexy.

    Thankfully, Roxas donned a giddy smile of his own and wasn’t upset by Lea’s reaction.

    “That bad, huh?” He teased Lea, bopping his nose with his own.

    “Downright awful.” Lea replied, then claimed Roxas’ lips once again.

    Eventually the need to change positions became a pressing issue, as Lea’s legs were getting tingly from being folded for so long. He rolled onto his back on the path and Roxas climbed on top of him, then they resumed their make-out session. Lea’s body felt a different kind of fire, the kind he hadn’t felt since he was a kid. It warmed him from the inside out and made him feel indestructible. As long as he was here with Roxas, nothing could touch them, harm them, _kill_ them. They were safe with one another in the heat of dreams.

    But as with any other dream, it had to come to an end. Night gave way to dawn gave way to morning, and someone was going to have to wake up.

    “Rox. Wait.” Lea pushed a bit at Roxas’ shoulder, shaking them both from the carnal headspace they’d both slipped into.

    Roxas stopped nipping Lea’s jaw and sat up. His hair was disheveled once again, bringing a smile to Lea’s kiss-swollen lips.

    “Hmm?”

    “I...you’re my best friend, you know that, right?”

    “’Course. You, too, Ax.”

    “Okay.”

    “That’s it?” Roxas frowned.

    “Yeah.”

    “Is not.”

    Lea huffed, then chose to share his concern. “I might wake up.”

    Roxas’ frown became a sad smile. “That’s okay. It’s not like I’m going anywhere. Besides, you’ll remember this now, so you’ll be okay. You’ll know that I—.”

    “What?”

    Roxas’ mouth had moved, had finished that sentence, but Lea hadn’t heard it. Roxas tried again, but this time there was no sound. Realizing that he was about to wake up, Lea sat up quickly and pressed one last, chaste kiss to Roxas’ lips. When he pulled away, he saw tears pooling in Roxas’ eyes.

    Eyes which became lakes, then a moon, and finally gave way to the grey light of dawn through closed eye-lids.


	11. Epilogue

     Warm skin bumped against his forehead, jolting Lea into consciousness. Beside him, a voice grunted out an apology for elbowing him. In sleepy retaliation, Lea snaked his arms around a sturdy chest and pulled himself closer to his assailant.

    “Jeeze, I never knew you were secretly an octopus.” Roxas whined, but he looped his feet around Lea’s nonetheless.

    “Never knew you were so pointy.” Lea retorted, hiding his face under Roxas’ chin and pressing a kiss to the ridges of his throat.

    “Am not.”

    “Mhmm. Now shush. I was having a great dream.”

    “Hmm, how is that possible? I’m not there anymore.” Roxas teased, chuckling to himself.

    Lea slid a hand under Roxas’ t-shirt, eliciting a sharp inhale as his too-hot skin sent goose-bumps along Roxas’ hip.

    “Now who told you that?”

    “I’d judge by the fact that I’m _here_.”

    Lea smiled. He still couldn’t quite believe it, after all this time. Roxas had been saved, a few years ago during the battle in which Xehanort’s tyranny had finally been dismantled. They’d spent those years _together_ together in reality rather than dreams. They’d traveled the universe on missions as both tread the traditional route of becoming Keyblade Masters through tireless training and protecting worlds. Roxas could still wield two keyblades and Lea had prided himself after winning many a training battle against both.

    “Sounds like a fair judgement.” Lea hummed in agreement.

    The sound of Roxas’ breathing occupied Lea’s mind for a few minutes, filling the silence of his half-waking mind. Then, Roxas asked,

    “What were you dreaming about?”

    It was far too late—early?—for Lea’s heart to be doing backflips. Should he tell? Roxas was rarely put off by Lea’s overactive romantic imagination…but the content of his dream wasn’t simple ideation. It was a desire Lea had had to quell nearly every day for the past few months. Something entirely possible and not even remotely cheesy. All Roxas had to do was agree.

    Lea decided he may as well risk it—he could blow it off as just a dream if Roxas blanched.

    “Well…it was you and me, and we were at our favourite café in Paris. You know, the one Remy works at?”

    He felt Roxas nod.

    “I had Alfredo and Collette set the soundtrack to your favourite songs, and we danced to the last one on the list.”

    “Which one?” Roxas’ voice was far away, as though he were imagining the scene as well.

    “ _At Dusk, I Will Think Of You_.”

    “Ah, I love the lyrics.”

    Lea’s smile grew. So far, so good.

    “Then the scenery changed, and we were somewhere else. I can’t really remember the place, but it was kind of…dressed up? Like for a party or celebration. We were still dancing to that song, but in different clothes. Suits, with matching white flowers. Then the song changed.”

    Lea hated how his breath shuttered as he took a breath, “Do you remember the song Sora and Riku played at their dance?”

    Roxas nodded again, and his reply was breathy, “ _Chikai_.”

    “That one.” Lea confirmed.

    Roxas was quiet for a moment. Lea felt fully awake now, his heart audibly thumping in his chest. What would he say?

    When it finally came, the question was not hostile, but awed.

    “You…were dreaming about us getting married?”

    “Yeah.”

    “ _Lea_.” Roxas let out in a huff, then Lea found his head being angled sharply upward before lips captured his own.

    Roxas kissed him heatedly for a long minute. Lea found that to be a very, _very_ good sign. When they parted, Lea scooted upward so they could lie face to face on their pillows. Roxas looked a bit shell shocked, as though he wasn’t sure how else to proceed and could hardly form a single thought to get the ball rolling. Lea, on the other hand, knew exactly what to say. He took both of Roxas’ hands in his own, and held them between their chests.

    Roxas’ eyes became watery.

    “It’s more than just a dream, Rox. I want you, _love_ you, and I want to give you the most official promise I can. I’ll always be here for you, I’ll always come back to you. In this life and every other.”  

    Roxas’ breath shook. “I love you, Lea. I want to make that promise to you, too.”

    Now it was Lea’s turn to initiate a kiss, but this one was short and sweet.

    “You’re the best, Rox.”

    Roxas’ smile lit up his sapphire eyes with mirth, “Got it memorized?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading! I had a lot of fun exploring my headcanon that Roxas can visit Lea's dreams, and hope you all did as well.


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